If I had an option to choose to be an animal,never in my dreams I would fancy picking up a fiery feline or an attention drawing elephant or dogs that love humans. A Tortoise,a porcupine,a leaf moth or...eh.. may be ..a bat (Not that I want to save Gotham but just in the assumption that even the insomniacs would be terrified of the potential virus carrier)would be a better choice any day.Anything to go unnoticed or to keep away from humans.Dot.
Rather than calling myself anti social I would call it 'being socially awkward' .There are many instances of this awkwardness.Sometimes it is when a male acquaintance wishes on women’s day, replying him abruptly with a "Hey thanks, wish you the same!" or when I take a detour
to reach the exit in the mall just because I have seen someone I know,yet ending up meeting them with a "Hi,so great climate eh?"and disappear into thin air.Similarly, I question my existence not knowing what to do with my face,hands and legs when my colleagues sing an annoying birthday song on a surprise party.
Talking about surprises,no it really doesn't work with an introvert.Don't even think of making your presence uninformed.Ever.Or you might end up being shooed away by a suspiciously strange looking granny who might avoid eye contact and tread really fast down the lane for her age.(Phew!).
When I was happy being in my comfy cocoon of keeping away from the sapiens, one day it came to a pathetic end.I had to move to a new house."What could really go wrong?" I wondered as I had trained myself to handle the predictable amazon deliveries or the occasional LPG cylinder delivery.But what waited for me was truly a horror in disguise.
I never anticipated the weak and fairly thin woman with a greying hairline in her early fifties to turn into my nightmare.She was my landlady and she has the reputation of easily taking the role of a CCTV camera and no stranger could bypass the lane without getting caught from her scrutinizing eyes.She would then start a conversation that would last as long as that person collapses after the incessant attack of data and questions.
"Width enough to lay a four way road" I calculated in my mind, seeing her trademark broad smile.I painstakingly reciprocated it, going a little overboard turning it into a grin."Are you done with the cooking?" she asked curiously in an animated tone as she got down from the first floor.In another few minutes she was inside my home scanning the nook and corners and settled comfortably on the couch in no time.I was pushed beyond my boundaries and stood helplessly in defeat.
It became a daily ritual.What would start as a casual conversation in the morning would go on till noon. She would refuse to hear the rumble from my hungry stomach or sometimes patiently wait till I come back from the washroom breaks in between.She would pop up suddenly in the evening like a genie and invade the almost non existent privacy and delightfully explain why the milk had got spoilt the previous day or rant about the new timings of her favourite tele soap or how she finally found the misplaced lid of her decade old Tupperware.
But somehow she sensed that I drifted to an irrelevant day-dream as she went on raving about her cousin’s brother-in-law’s daughter’s wedding the other day.From then she started quizzing me in between and I had to paraphrase the events consistently or she would mercilessly start it all over again.In addition she would advise on how to keep the kitchen counter clean and spot the cobwebs beneath the sink.There was literally no way I could escape her or her extrovertism.
I knew I have had it enough.I decided to revolt.One day, I drew the curtains over the tightly closed windows, locked the door and turned off the lights and the fan in the living room.I made it appear as if I had gone out and nobody was inside the house.I hoped that the extroverted sleuth would leave without nagging me after several unanswered rings of the door bell.I heaved a huge sigh of relief and beamed in pride at the brilliance of my plot to escape.I plugged in my earphones to binge watch a web series as I sat in my bedroom.
After a while, I tiptoed carefully to grab a packet of chips and a glass of water from the kitchen. I was so engrossed in the show and least expected my mobile's sudden ruthless behaviour of blaring the ringtone and vibrating simultaneously."Aaaaahh…" I screamed as I dropped the steel tumbler to the floor that clanked loudly, spilling the water all over.I skied for a meter hitting my nose on the fridge and landed over the packet of chips that crumbled into a fine powder.
Just then I saw it again.Through the kitchen window that had no curtains.A width enough to lay a four way road! I sheepishly reciprocated it in a clumsy crooked grin.
